After finding out that we were pregnant with our second daughter I bravely proclaimed to my wife that I’d be getting the snip after she was born. That day came and went and it wasn’t until we were at the 6 week check up that the topic was raised again. My wife had difficult pregnancies which meant that contraception options were limited, and the ones that were available sounded horrible.
At that point I thought “Fuck it, I’ll book it in”.
I started doing some research and made the mistake of watching a few surgical videos. I’m not going to lie, the thought of surgery down there literally me sick to the stomach. After a bit more research I kept reading how much of a minor procedure it was and thought “How bad can it be?”.
One random morning at work I picked up the phone to book it in. A few minutes later I’d made an appointment and in 3 weeks time it was getting done. All the guys that I told looked horrified and made really helpful comments like “Fuck that, no one’s touching my nuts!”. Not really helpful, lads. Didn’t do much for the nerves!
A few days before the procedure I tried to print the medical forms at work without realising it contained instructions on how and where to shave your nuts which included a close up photo. It was promptly blocked by Content Security and I had an interesting chat to my boss.
I’d organised to take a Thursday and Friday off work to give me plenty of time to recover. My wife offered to drive me there which I gladly accepted even though the website stated you can drive yourself home.
Rocking up to the clinic I was quietly freaking out inside, conscious to put on a brave face in front of my wife and not make a big deal of it even though in my mind this was the equivalent of child birth!
I was asked to strip off my pants and lie on the table. The surgeon came in and it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life watching him clean/fondle my nuts. He made a bunch of random small talk while I tried everything to not spew from fear.
Next step was the local anaesthetic which I was told was the worst part. This was made up of two injections into the tubes connected to my nuts. It stung at first and then there was a really weird sensation as the anaesthetic spread. Seconds later I couldn’t feel a thing. I opted for the No Scalpel Method where they use tweezers to make a single small tear in your nut sack instead of a scalpel. This meant no stitches and faster recovery time.
A few minutes go by and the surgeon calls my wife over to come and take a closer look. I don’t think she enjoyed that and I’m still not sure if anyone benefitted from that exercise. Less than 10 minutes after he started the surgeon casually says “Okay all done, I’ll just need to give you an injection in the side of your penis before you go”. My heart literally stopped, I gave him a look of complete terror and he replied “Nah just messing with ya mate, you’re all done”. Jesus. Read the room, Doc! Not funny.
All up, the whole thing took 20 minutes from walking into the clinic to the time I walked out. Recovery was way better than I thought and there was literally no pain at all. The worst part was definitely the mental hurdle. The procedure was very much a non-event.
There also seems to be some sort of stigma associated with men getting vasectomies, with people thinking it’ll make them less of a man. I can confirm that nothing changes, everything still works just like before. When you think about everything our partners go through when giving birth, it’s really the least we can do. If you and your partner don’t want any more kids and your thinking about getting one (or even sitting on the fence) my advice is to just do it. 20 minutes of discomfort and awkwardness is a small price to pay for a lifetime of certainty.